I was going to email my husband but I won’t send it as he won’t read it.
If he did read it he would just say I was overreacting.
I know he has Asperger’s.
I know his brain doesn’t function or react the way an NT brain does.
I know he can’t imagine how I feel.
I know it’s not my fault. I know it’s not his fault.
I know he’s not deliberately ignoring me.
I know I don’t need him to make me happy.
But sometimes, living like this is just too strange.
The person at the check out in Waitrose, knows more about my day than my husband does.
Today I organised a business meeting with the bank, for a community interest company I have set up with a psychotherapist for the Asperger workshops we run for partners.
Today, after months of negotiating, I was offered a part time job to fit around the children, which starts in two weeks time.
Today I won the argument with the manufacturers and will be getting a replacement washer drier for free.
Today I managed to sort out a great deal for a new car which will save us loads of money as our old car is about to die.
Today I collected birthday presents for our 7 year old from the shops.
Today I took the children to school and nursery and looked after them when they came home and put them both to bed.
Today I made a curry from scratch as a birthday meal for our friend for dinner tomorrow. It took three hours to make!
That’s what I did today.
My partner has no idea about any of it because he said he wasn’t bothered.
Anyway: here’s the email I want to send. It won’t leave my outbox…
‘I had a really positive day today.
I was really happy and excited about the good things that I have got on with and stuff I have managed to sort out.
I know you are exhausted. I know you wanted to chill and watch the cycling.
But you have not paid me any attention or engaged with me on any level. You haven’t even congratulated me on the job. And when I asked if you were impressed about the curry you asked if I wanted ‘banners waiving or what?’. No, just acknowledgement.
Please don’t blame me and say it’s my fault because I am a certain way.
I greeted you with love at the front door.
I sorted your cycling stuff out for tomorrow.
I cooked your dinner. You didn’t even say thank you.
You didn’t even ask what I did today. Do you know how lonely and detached from you that makes me feel?
I know you are tired. I know you are exhausted.
But why can’t you see that being cold and grumpy most of the time is actually not very nice for me to spend time with?
I would’ve totally understood if you had taken yourself off to bed to catch up on sleep. Instead, you sat and watched TV for two hours and disengaged from me and totally ignored me.